Enjoy yourself, like the song says.

Being a Spoonie, LGBTQIAS+,

Content Warning: incurable disease progression, potentially shortened life span, lousy ableist ex boyfriend, Covid-19 pandemic and related chronic illness, very brief comparison of severe physical illnesses in a scientific way (not a subjective/”oppression olympics” way), brief mention of abusive father.

I wrote this piece in late Summer to early Autumn 2025, around my 34th birthday. Now feels like a lovely time to share it, just after my 35th birthday. So much has changed, and yet so much is the same. Perhaps one of the biggest changes: I have more confidence in my writing and have found a group of like-minded writers at Firefly, having joined their Fireside writing group and taken the memoir writing class (where I got such encouraging, loving feedback on the first draft of this piece).

Photo by Katie Mont on Unsplash

I always get pensive around this time of year. I’m sure it has to do with the Jewish new year and the Pagan new year, the changing of the seasons, and back to school, but most of all, I think it’s because my birthday is at the beginning of October, so the coming of fall has me pondering some of the most eventful birthdays in my past. 

I’ve had several such birthdays in my nearly 34 years:

There’s the time when I was in elementary school and came home to my younger brother sulking because he was jealous of the attention I was receiving because our family was coming over for dessert that evening. He promptly poured laundry detergent all over the stairs to the basement.

In my early 20s, my mom and I started celebrating our birthdays together. On one particularly special occasion, we went to New York and Washington, DC.

More recently, I stayed with my long distance then-boyfriend for a few weeks near the height of the pandemic (but not during lockdown). Despite taking every precaution, I got Covid. I was terrified I would die, or at the very least that my pre-existing neuroimmune disease, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, would progress further and my lifespan would be shortened (as had happened to countless others with ME/CFS. Spoiler: my disease did end up progressing after this bout of Covid). My ablebodied then partner couldn’t have cared less, just doomscrolling on TikTok and whining about his sore throat. And he didn’t even order me a cake.

With the numerous mishaps, illnesses, (and occasional really amazing, but frankly expensive and not possible every day or even every year) experiences I’ve had on my birthdays, it’s not at all surprising that I’m the kind of person who loves to find reasons to celebrate: Mundane reasons. Symbolic reasons. Anniversaries of past achievements. Anniversaries of others’ achievements. Very specific holidays (see National Pizza with the Works Except Anchovies Day, celebrated on 12 November).

Having said all that… I absolutely have dug deep and armchair psychoanalyzed why I’m so keen to find– if not create– opportunities to celebrate:

-Maybe because I’m a Libra sun and Leo moon (fellow astrology girls, gays and theys probably understand the significance– I’m working on being a social butterfly, I love putting together a beautiful aesthetic, and ensuring my favourite people and I have moments to shine is essential to me, but those moments have to come at the right time, for the right reasons). 

-Maybe it’s because many days I get to live so little life– ME/CFS has one of the worst health-related quality of life scores of any disease, even compared to several types of cancer, stroke, and Multiple Sclerosis (Hvidberg et al [2015]).

-Or maybe I’m getting in touch with my inner child more fully, and I want to have fun!

Or maybe I’m trying to make up for my teenage years, when I struggled with severe Major Depressive Disorder. I wasn’t sure I would make it to my 18th birthday.

During those years, finding things to celebrate, no matter how small, gave me a sense of purpose, something to smile about, even if it didn’t make any sense to anyone else. I think I’m still searching for that sense of purpose, both through larger things, like the constant existential question of “WHAT IS MY LEGACY?” and desperately clutching at the minute amount of energy I have for creative projects and community interactions each day, praying I’m using them wisely, while also going the silly, whimsical, childlike route and throwing gotcha day parties for my cat (who is “NOT impressed by the party hat, thank-you-very-much-Rebecca!”), naming plush cats after revolutionaries, and wishing I WERE a cat when life gets particularly stressful.

Also, actual full-blown little celebrations. When life gets tough, the tough revisit their emo roots and have a birthday party for Gerard Way, because spring is supposed to be here but it isn’t so they’re not oh-fucking-kay. (I think that’s how that saying goes?).

Anyway. Here are some more examples of seemingly silly things I’ve celebrated or plan on celebrating, to my great pleasure.

One wintery afternoon in high school, I made cupcakes for Finnish Independence Day. Very traditional Finnish food. Despite some of my ancestors being northern European, as far as I know, I don’t have any Finnish heritage (I did just learn the other day that one of my ancestors was born in Prussia, so who knows?) I think the language is beautiful and enjoy Tove Janssen’s Moomin stories and HIM and Tarja’s music and salted licorice, so my 14 year-old self said hei, why not celebrate the place they all come from?

Being estranged from my abusive father for about a decade, June has started to feel like an unending migraine and a parade of happy people with their doting dads celebrating their birthdays and Father’s Day every single day of the week.

When I came out as nonbinary a few years ago, I realized June didn’t have to be that way anymore; I could celebrate myself instead, as the person reparenting myself, the daddy I’d had for longer than this man who’d been a great dad for 7 years and then turned into a monster I didn’t recognize. 

Now it’s all punny dad jokes, walking through the card aisle at Dollarama and laughing to my mom “I should get this for myself!” while pointing to a mug that says “#1 Dad” and feeling very affirmed in my gender as a nonbinary femme, and yes, occasionally crying when I see other people with incredible fathers and me with my absent, sorry excuse for one.

On the topic of hot queers without dads (why does that sound like a really bad x-rated show?). Sometimes it’s nice to celebrate Golden Age Hollywood stars’ birthdays. Watch a classic film or two, have a dessert (perhaps their favourite?) or a fancy cocktail or mocktail. Montgomery Clift was a bicon, early method actor, and tragic heartthrob (and a Libra sun like me, astrology girls, gays, and theys!). Marilyn Monroe, blonde bombshell, slightly later method actor, friend of Monty (ooh! new nickname for bi people just unlocked!) and little-known Endometriosis warrior. Honestly, did anyone in Hollywood in that time period have a dad who was there all the time AND identify as monosexual (not that that term existed then, but you know)?!

I’ve been a cane user for 10 years and look forward to celebrating that with a new, sparkly cane and some cake. Because why not?

My girlfriend has planned a week and a half for us to spend together starting on my birthday that she’s named “Beccatoberfest” and as I write this I can feel all the hurt and anger and terror of that horrible Covid birthday leaving my body.

As September draws to a close and my time being 33 does too, I’m looking to the future and thinking of all the things I can celebrate, big and small.

I can’t imagine a more healing celebration than that.

Don’t Say You’re Fine If You’re Not: Mental Health Week 2020

Mental Health, Mental Illness, ,

“How are you?”

How often do you answer honestly?

And when you do answer honestly, how often does the other person stop and have a full conversation about (your) feelings?

“How are you?”

“Not great!”

“Awesome! I’m great too!”

That’s literally happened to me before. They don’t pay attention to my answer, grin, say they’re great and hurry off down the hallway.

Maybe our collective mental health would be a touch better if we spent a few more minutes actually listening to one another.

I’m not a huge proponent of mental health events run by big businesses to “raise awareness”– they get people talking about the words “mental health” for two seconds and then forget about people in crisis, kids who need help, intersectional issues, and the most vulnerable among us, all the while lining the pockets of enormous corporations, without actually helping people with mental illnesses (*ahem* Bell Let’s Talk).

But CMHA Mental Health Week, let’s talk. 

2020 is the 69th year the Canadian Mental Health Association is observing Mental Health Week, this year from May 4-10. (CMHA itself has been around for 100 years). They champion workplace and campus mental health and have resources for, yes, raising awareness about various mental health issues. 

This Covid-19 page is especially relevant.

As someone with multiple mental illnesses and who’s passionate about mental health, I don’t just want awareness raised. I want resources, I want support (emotional and financial). I want access. 

But actual awareness is a good place to start.

Will you join me on May 4th?

More Excellent Things To Do While Social Distancing

Being a Spoonie, ,

Since we’re all still social distancing and will be for a while, I wanted to make another, even longer resource list, with some fun ideas, some helpful links, and some resources that can help you through this scary time. I know I’m finding similar lists really soothing to click through, so I hope that my own version finds you well.

-Read one of these 100+ great travel books for the armchair traveller.

-Learn about the history of toilet paper.

-Check out The Calm Place.

–Visit the zoo, virtually.

-Create a vision board. Where do you dream of going as soon as you’re able to? What will you do there?

-Order takeout or delivery from a local business.

–Learn how to disinfect your phone (if you haven’t already).

-Colour! Here are some fabulous famous women, and some cute colouring postcards.

–Relax with these meditations from Calm.

–Visit more vacation destinations from your couch.

-Call or FaceTime your loved ones.

-Make friendship bracelets.

–Declutter your brain.

-Make DIY masks for yourself, loved ones, or to donate.

-Take up journaling. Here are 20 prompts to get you started.

-Read the opening lines of 10 classic novels, rewritten for social distancing. I think Jane Eyre is my favourite!

–Use Netflix Party to watch a movie or show with a friend in real time.

-Create a care package for a friend.

-Learn to draw a Doodlecat.

-Do some gentle stretches.

-Try “distractibaking”. Yum!

-On the topic of yum: Make something delicious with the beans in your pantry.

-Watch a movie made in another country. Bonus points if it’s in a foreign language. A few of my favourites are Amélie (France), Spirited Away (Japan), and Let the Right One In (Sweden).

-Dive into your TBR list. I know mine is sky high…

-Start a gratitude journal

–Livestream the Aurora Borealis in your living room!

–Make working from home more joyful.

–How to build a well-stocked pantry, from an expert.

–Free printable Sanrio paper crafts, colouring pages, and more. I love the Hello Kitty ones!

-Explore museums across the USA and get free themed colouring pages inspired by them from Color Our Collections.

–Sea Otter Cam!

–Ever wanted to go to Hogwarts? Now you pretty much can!

-You can make these crispy baked quesadillas using whatever you have in your kitchen! And they look incredible. Totally doing this this weekend.

–Get the best at-home manicure. (The co-founder of OPI would know).

–A massive list of virtual tours to go on!

-Watch Instagram’s favourite tulips bloom.

–Remember it’s okay not to be productive right now.

Sending you lots of love and spoons, friends,

Becca

Get cozy with a warm blanket and a nice drink

12 Fun Things To Do While Social Distancing

Being a Spoonie, , ,

Covid-19 is very serious, especially for us chronically ill, immunocompromised, immunosuppressed, and disabled people. 

So travel is off the table due to social distancing, but here are some other things to do without even leaving your home:

-Try your hand at cooking a favourite regional dish, or one you haven’t tried before

-Create a bucket list. I’m writing up my 101 in 1001 right now and will share soon.

-Take a nap, save up some spoons. Life will probably be this way for a while, but you’ll be ready when it isn’t.

–”Visit” a museum.

-Watch a movie that’s streaming early, like Frozen 2 or the new Star Wars. (I saw both and loved them. Adam Driver is dreamy. There, I said it).

-Take up a new craft, like sewing masks for fellow spoonies and doctors, or latch hooking like Chrissy Teigen, who’s making a unicorn carpet for her hamster’s house.

-Video chat with your loved ones.

-Watch John Oliver’s videos about Coronavirus so you’re more informed, but also laugh a lot.

-Order takeout from your local Chinese restaurant. Support local businesses!

-Take a free class from Brit + Co (use the code SELFCARE at checkout) or Uncustomary or Coursera.

-Be an armchair traveller. No need to go anywhere when there’s Google Earth. And beautiful travel blogs online. Get cozy and start searching!

-Watch movies using Hoopla or Kanopy. Just sign up using your library card and stream for free.

How are you spending your social distancing time?

12 fun things to do while social distancing for covid-19

Colourful plastic straws

Yeah, We’re Still Talking About Straws.

Being a Spoonie, , , ,

I wrote most of this post in mid-June but kept putting off sharing it because I kept hoping (out of both desperation and optimism) that the straw debate would end. But it hasn’t. So two months later… here we are.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced on 10 June that the government of Canada will be banning the use of single-use plastics– including plastic straws– as early as 2021.

The Hon. Catherine McKenna, Minister of Environment and Climate Change said: “[O]ur government intends to ban harmful single-use plastic products where science warrants it[…]” (emphasis mine). 

Here’s the thing: Science has proven multiple times that people with disabilities require single-use plastic straws to drink, that any other kind of straw will not suffice (see infographics), and can even cause fatal injury, and that a “single use straw upon request” system isn’t good enough. (Countless disabled people have reported being denied plastic straws because they “didn’t look like they needed one” or “weren’t disabled enough”). 

Chart explaining why plastic straws are almost always the only viable option for many disabled people
Helpful chart about straws by “Hell On Wheels aka @rollwthepunches on Twitter.
This is why we can’t “just use a metal straw”. (Other than the fact that someone with much stronger joints than mine was just impaled by one).

s.e. smith wrote last year, “straw bans are just part and parcel of the environmental movement’s long legacy of devaluing disabled lives — despite the fact that we are environmentalists too and often have more directly at stake”. 

Yet the fight continues.

We’ve seen how plastic straw bans didn’t work in numerous cities in the US and the UK. Why is Canada pushing for this now, too?

Instead of a country-wide ban that will hit disabled people the hardest, why not offer incentives for people who can and do use alternatives to single-use plastics? It works at Whole Foods with reusable bags (and plastic bags are not, y’know, saving people’s lives because water is necessary for survival).

And more importantly, let’s focus on the corporations who are profiting off of polluting our oceans and air and force them to take responsibility for their actions: Tax these companies, put a quotas in place, and get them to plant trees and donate money to local environmentalist organizations to offset the damage they cause.

Pollution and climate change hurt everyone, but corporations have an infinitely larger impact than individuals: It’s time for these wealthy companies to be held responsible, and for governments and society and large to stop ganging up on disabled people and telling us to just stop using plastic straws, as if it’s that simple.